IN A RELATIONSHIP

A SOAP OPERA IN THE TIME OF COVID

As a widow, I have sometimes looked longingly at those words, posted from widows. “In a Relationship.” It seems so joyful! I fell in love in 1969. The bloom of first love is now over fifty years gone. So is my love. It will be eleven years, this year. It doesn’t seem possible.

I see people posting their anniversaries. I want to, also! We didn’t divorce. He died. I see people posting a photo of their spouse and putting how many years they’ve been married. Not only that, but they post NEW PHOTOS that they took of their spouse. I have none. That’s why, when people share photos of your departed spouse, it means so much to you. It’s like getting a new photo of them, something that never happens.

This morning, as I did my devotionals, I came across a showstopper, an AHA moment. It was in Jesus Always. It hit me right between the eyes. In this devotional, Jesus said that a happily married couple are connected by more than law and morality. He said that they have WARM MEMORIES OF SHARED EXPERIENCES. These memories draw them close, and keep them committed to each other. I never thought of it that way, but I knew it was true. Nothing has the power to hurt me like my memories. He isn’t here to reminisce with. In this devotion, Jesus said that he is totally committed to ME! He said he will fill my heart with loving memories!

When Larry died, I would look at photos and listen to music that I enjoyed before I knew Larry. I told myself that I had been happy before him, so I could be happy after him! Another thing I have done is, when I feel low, I will look over all the photos I have taken since he left. There is so much joy in those memories taken after Larry left! Trips! New grand babies! Holidays! So NOW, I am letting these after Larry memories be memories of me and my forever love, Jesus!

Suddenly, I found myself taking a flight of fancy, as writers often do. As I sat, taking my notes, I began to draw hearts. Next, I drew one big one. Inside it, I wrote JESUS + ME. Then, I began to write out my name: Marilee Nazereth, and Mrs. Jesus Nazereth, because that’s what I used to do at ISU during lectures as I gazed on my brand new engagement ring: Marilee Alvey, Mrs. Larry Alvey, Mrs. Marilee Alvey. This is what young girls sometimes do when they are in love, and I haven’t been in love for a long time, so I decided that, since I am in a relationship, I would do that. I don’t think Jesus minds one bit. It probably made him smile, too.

On the home front, I have been out of my mind excited this week. Want to know why? Early in my Covid journey, during the isolation and sanitizing, a high school friend of mine, Sherri, who lives in Florida and loves nothing more than to get out on the ocean in her boat, told me of a technique she had been using. She had some dish soap called Clorox Scentiva, with the scent of Pacific Breeze and Coconut. She said that, when she washed dishes, etc., she would smell it and would make her feel as if she was on a cruise. I wanted that dish soap!!! There was none on the shelves. I went to Amazon. Someone was selling it for $14 a bottle. I wasn’t that crazy….at least yet. I posted it on Facebook with the hint that it was what I wanted for my birthday in May. No one picked up on it. Meanwhile, the cost of it sailed (get the unintentional pun?) to a low price of $38 and soared up into the $60’s!

My daughter, Lindie, bought into my hype, so we began our quest. We’d look on store shelves. We’d go online to stores. We’d check Amazon. Nope. It was as if they had gone out of business: very possible during this pandemic. Just last weekend, Lindie texted me: it was back! For $5.85, I could own my own bottle of dish soap! I ordered one for me and one for Lindie. We have been SO EXCITED!!! When the shipment was delayed two days, possibly to January 30th, we grieved. Finally, it arrived tonight! Not only that, I ordered the laundry beads with the same scent. They came as well, and smell even better! It was only available by the case. I gave two to Lindie and have four more containers of laundry beads. I think I need to make some handkerchief sachets of those magical Caribbean beads to carry in my pocket and purse. After all, I am turning 70 this year.

Never mind a tidy conclusion. I’ll just show myself out.

ANYBODY GOT A FLASHLIGHT?

Yesterday, I had some aches and pains as the day wore on. My back hurt (scoliosis) and one knee was hurting (arthritis). Today, I awoke to feel better. I sent my little white cotton ball, Bijoux, my weather caster, out into my tiny “courtyard” to test the weather since it was a dreary day here in GA. She came back with some raindrops on her back. Rain confirmed.

Most days, I thank God for waking me up, for his grace and salvation. I thank Him for waking Bijoux up too. I was counting my blessings aloud since it’s only me and Bijoux. I was thankful for a place to live with a roof over it and warmth inside. Suddenly, I began to think of people all over the world who have no home to lay their head. They sleep in cardboard boxes and under freeways. Some of those people have bad backs, just like me, except they don’t see a chiropractor every three weeks. They may not have Advil. They can’t order a new mattress to give them better sleep, like I did last week. They don’t get to stay off their feet. . How do they do it? They have to walk to get food and water. They try to sleep, even with the cold and the rain or snow. My blessings overwhelmed me, and I’d only begun.

I usually read my devotions, Jesus Always and Jesus Calling.(Yesterday, I didn’t do it, so I had two days to cover.) I took notes of those things that impacted me today. I want to share them with you.

1. It’s okay if I wake up feeling weak and weary. It reminds me of my need for Jesus. If I give my hand to him, he will guide and strengthen me. He loves to do that!
2. Don’t set limits on what I want to accomplish. Jesus has none. It may not be done as quickly as I’d like but it will be in Jesus’ perfect timing. I need to refuse to be discouraged by delays or detours.
3. Jesus’ peace is the Pearl of Great Price. He died so I could have it. I get this gift by trusting Him in the midst of life’s storms. When I have worldly peace, I tend not to seek him. (as in yesterday)
4. I should thank Him when things don’t go my way because spiritual blessings come wrapped in trials. Adverse circumstances are normal in a fallen world. I should expect them each day.
5. Jesus’ love for me will NOT be shaken, or his Peace removed. No matter how needy I am or how many times I fail Him, His love for me will never run low.
6. Jesus doesn’t love me more on days when I perform well, nor does he love me less when I fail badly.
7. “Bring me the sacrifice of your time, and watch to see how abundantly I bless you AND YOUR LOVED ONES.”
8. I am being transformed from the inside out. He will form me into the person HE desires me to be.
9. “Hold my hand in childlike trust, and the way before you will open up, step by step.”

When I did my devotions today, it was simply a rainy day. I was not impacted by anything untoward at all, yet. Some days, you remain ‘unscathed,’ while others present challenges. This day, I got a challenge in the midst of taking notes. My son, Landon, texted me, asking for prayer. There are some warning signs with the baby they are expecting, their sixth. I rallied the troops, sending a call out to the family so that Landon and Megan would be covered in prayer.

I don’t know what Jesus plans for this one, but I know it’s the best plan, but I also know it’s scary for the expectant parents. They are truly walking by Faith, not by Sight. The text from my daughter-in-law, Megan, mentioned just that. When you are expectant, when things come up, it is particularly scary, as if you have a ticking time bomb inside your womb.

I know that she will deliver this baby. Where will he/she live? Here or in Heaven? I can’t say right now, but I trust whatever Jesus decides. He sees so much more than we do. We are promised in Psalm 73 that, after our days, after our trials, God will take us unto glory. Which would be best? Now, before the trials and heartaches, or after life has taken its toll on us, sharpening us by its challenges?

Mormons believe that only the most perfect souls are stillborn or lost before they are viable. They think these souls didn’t need to be sharpened by the trials in their lives. I have no assurance in the Bible that it is true, but I have no assurance that it isn’t true, either. It’s just one of many “perhaps” of Heaven.

Do spiritual blessings come wrapped in trials? If I sacrifice of my daily time, will Jesus abundantly bless me and my loved ones? I am going to say yes to both, for I know that God is for me, not against me, no matter how the road turns.

LOOKING ON THE BRIGHT SIDE

Disclaimer: Covid has brought the death of 400,000 Americans over 2020-2021. You’d have to be a hermit not to know this. Oh, wait…… I am a hermit. Okay, so I decided I needed a little bit of laughter to balance out the week and finish strong. I dedicate it to all of us who have masked up, not shown up, and forgotten how to even converse with people.

1. When looking for a job, you don’t have to grit your teeth and ask if you can work from home. You not only CAN, often, they will INSIST on it.
2. For teenagers, if they claim a sore throat, stomach trouble, etc., they can expect to be quarantined in their room. If they are away from their computer, school is OUT until a Covid test clears them.
3. Even bored teenagers will beg to ride with you to the grocery store, just to go somewhere. Cheap thrills are plentiful.
4. My daughter occasionally will take her four daughters to Target, near to closing so there aren’t many people there. She will set her timer for ten minutes so they won’t be exposed to anything for very long. That’s all the time they have there. Little time to overspend.
5. No one sees into your home to know if your bed is made, your toilets are sparkling clean, etc. I’ll do it tomorrow….maybe…has become my motto.
6. You save a lot on clothes because it’s laborious to order them online and have to return them, plus, you’re not going anywhere to be seen, anyway.
7. One of my friends just booked a Southern Caribbean cruise on the newest Celebrity ship for November. If she needs to cancel out, she can. Her airfare to Fort Lauderdale on Delta, round trip? $1.
8. Seeking out and actually acquiring a Covid vaccine appointment feels like acquiring a Cabbage Patch Kid in 1983.
9. Naptimes have been plentiful. We’ve been hibernating through the year.
10. You can go to almost any restaurant and they will bring your meal out to you.
11. You can go online and order anything from Kroger, Soft Surroundings, Pet Smart, etc., and they will bring your order to you without you having to step into the store.
12. You can actually have a number of grocery stores and restaurants deliver to your door for a small fee.
13. You never lose your purse, keys, or anything else because you KNOW you haven’t gone anywhere to lose them.
14. You can wear your slippers all over town because you’re not going to get out of your car.
15. You have time to be friendly to neighbors walking by. I have two chairs on my patio, six feet apart. Like a spider, I sit and wait for someone to walk by. I urge them to sit down, and then I talk them TO DEATH. Would that be called, “Death by Covid?”
16. People who suffer from OCD don’t have to be embarrassed about washing and sanitizing too much. We ALL are.
17. It’s now the simple things we value most: when you score toilet paper, paper towels or Clorox wipes, it feels like you won the lottery.
18. You don’t have to worry about lipstick anymore, or that slight mustache. The mask covers it all.
19. If your hair or nails look bad, you just blame the pandemic.
20. Comfort is king. Warm blankets, soft slippers, pjs you can wear all day long….are coveted gifts.
21. Flu and colds are in short supply as we mask up and stay secluded.
22. You can blame the Pandemic for your mood, your appearance, your lack of ingredients, ANYTHING!
23. Money has been saved. No trips. No new clothes. No opportunity to browse and overspend.
24. You have many opportunities to be helpful and generous toward others who are struggling.
25. Zoom cameras don’t capture what you wear from the waist down.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We think too much about ourselves. Every day, we are busy trying to amuse ourselves, to eat what we like best, to read what we like to read, to watch whatever television we care to watch. It’s all about us. Oh, occasionally, we will get a bit of the news, whether we want to or not. Then we can say, “I’m so glad I’m not like the people of THAT party….” It makes us feel better than, but we must remember that, whatever party you demonize, their sins and the sins of their leaders are no worse than our own in God’s eyes.

Imagine if I sat down and told you to pretend your kitchen table was a football field, and that the ends of the table were the goal posts which represented good and evil. Suppose I gave you a penny and asked you to pretend one penny was Hitler, then place the penny where you thought Hitler should be placed. You’d place it clear at the evil end. Then, suppose I gave you a penny representing Mother Theresa and asked you to place it on the place that best described where she was on the good and evil spectrum. You’d probably put her as close as possible to the ‘good’ end goal posts.

Here’s the thing: God doesn’t see it like that. God sees the spectrum as if he is looking from far, far away. As you move away from the football field, it continues to shrink. The goal posts and the line markers begin to disappear. To God, sin is sin. He doesn’t call one sin worse than another (unless you sin against the Holy Spirit, but that’s another subject.) It’s all sin to God. All of it. No one can boast. You are accusing fellow sinners, like yourself. We all share the same earth at the same time, and we all sin.

Furthermore, no matter how many cogent arguments you make, no matter how many ‘zingers’ you feel you have issued, they will do no good. Why? Because we are not given the power to change people. Only God can do that, but, often, we get in the way of His lesson. We can’t wait for God to do it, so we rush in. It’s futile. It interferes and it even delays the lesson.

If you grew up in a home with siblings, you already know this. No matter how you try, you can’t change that sibling’s behavior. Sometimes your parents, standing in on a daily basis, trying to enforce good behavior, reach some level of success by withholding something desired or inflicting punishment. They can change behavior temporarily, to a degree, but a real heart change? That’s up to God.

Currently, to Republicans, it seems as if the Democrats have ‘found Jesus.’ They talk of walking into the light, talk about love and unification, while, for the last four years they’ve absolutely verbalized bile in every innocent post they could hijack. They bullied. They mutated names. They picked on the entire family. The media helped. Suddenly, on January 20th, they expected the Republicans to do what they never could do. When our sibling does this, we know them too well. We’ve lived in the same house as him/her. It’s the same with this rivalry.

Our country is, right now, under contruction, just as we are. Making acid remarks isn’t good for anyone. It’s also pointless. It accomplishes nothing. It’s totally ineffective. Remember the clever saying that unforgiveness is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die? That’s exactly what we have here.

Here is my suggestion. Let’s allow our Heavenly Father work on us. Let’s get out of his way! We have our own sins to work on. We weren’t given the power to change each other. Step away. Stand back. See what Biden and Harris will do. God sees all and is in charge. Put it on His desk. Act like you believe that. Pray for your leaders, past and present. They aren’t perfect. Neither are you. They have lessons to learn. So do you. Step aside and look up.

The answer to being self-centered or finding fault with others is to look up, expectantly. What’s God going to do? This very thing has passed his filter. What will he do with it? I don’t have any idea, but I know he will guide and direct his children.

I only worry when I take my eyes off God. Once I look up, I know that He who began a good work in us will carry it out to completion. All we have to do is do our part: trust Him.

It is the true believers in each party who should be lovingly stepping across the aisle because we know Who truly is in charge. In Heaven, there will be no Republican or Democrat. No party owns us. Now is the time to show whose you are. Our God is more than able to straighten out this mess. He will do it with our without our help.

MY WRITING SHOES ARE ON!

IN A RELATIONSHIP by Marilee Alvey

When I started on Facebook in 2009, it served to inform people about Larry, a distant second to Caringbridge. However, after he died, it helped me immensely. I had never lived alone before. I married Larry at 20 and went from their home to his! Suddenly, this extravert was left completely alone.

That first year, the winter snows came to Illinois. I was even more isolated. However, friends on Facebook were putting funny memes about winter that kept me laughing. We were all posting what comfort foods we were fixing as the snow flew! Chili, stew, pot pie, hot chocolate……. When the snowflakes settled and before the plows came, we all went out and shared photos of what our little corners of the world looked like, immersed in a heavenly silence, pure and white.

ENTER POLITICS

Facebook seemed harmless at first. We didn’t realize that the media had picked up on our views and shared only those that would pertain to our interest. We became polarized. NOT MY PRESIDENT came into use. Those in favor of the president pointed out that the office, itself, deserved a level of respect. Others pointed out that, yes, literally, that man WAS our president. The other side would taunt with, “Now you know how it feels….” Sides changed. New president. Now a different group was saying NOT MY PRESIDENT and the other side was saying, “Now you know how it feels,” “respect the OFFICE,” and “he literally IS your president.” We became more and more polarized. People began to make names for our presidents, like O’BUMMER, TRump, orange baboon, etc. You could be posting a recipe and someone would make a comment to somehow link it with the current president, and the bashing began. The media had fed us, had created us. I saw what was happening. I tried to encourage people to be nice, to be kind, but it was like standing in front of the bulls of Paploma. I couldn’t stop it.

The final straw came when I elected (ironic word choice) to have all political ads, etc., removed from my page. That worked UNTIL the votes were questioned. Suddenly, President Elect Biden was called Presidential Elect before the dust had settled. There was a pop up ad that appeared anytime I wanted to post anything at all. “Check on the election results” was touted with subtitles about Biden being Presidential Elect. I said, “No politics” and I meant it! Yet, this one I couldn’t delete. It was as if they were saying, “Here’s your medicine. It’s good for you. Take it.” I began to see manipulation. People would post and it would be deleted or a fact check would appear.

All the name calling, the hypocrisy on both sides and the manipulation convinced me that I had to turn my back on Facebook. It was not the happy home I’d known for ten years. It saddened me greatly. It had been a wonderful lifeline for me. It bridged the gap of loneliness and isolation. I find it hugely ironic that I am now leaving, at the height of a pandemic which has made me social isolate! Only God could strengthen me to change like that!

Covid-19 brought me many lessons. I got to exercise my faith muscles. I learned patience. I learned to accept that I couldn’t always have what I wanted, whether it be toilet paper, paper towels, neighborhood card games, shopping, dining out, or elected officials.

Humans have always struggled for control. God had to put us in time out in 2020 to learn that we are not, nor have we ever been, in charge of anything but our own attitudes and behavior. My God tells me that I am not in charge, but He is. He can see way out. He has 20/20 vision, case in point: 2020. I cannot. I pray for His will. It’s far better than mine, but sometimes he has to drive me through some pretty rough neighborhoods that can be very scary. He will get me through safely.

I don’t know what God’s plan is for this time but it’s a good one. Will he bring about Revival? Will people draw closer to Him as they are fearful? Will we see how unkind we are toward others? Are we just watching the beginning of the end, and will be carried Home safely before the worst? Will we be here for the worst of it and use our ‘golden parachute,’ our Get Out of Jail Free card? I have no idea. I only know that one day we will totally understand and approve.

My hope is that we will stop pointing fingers and learn to actually listen, not just to the substance but the emotions behind it. Remember: we’ve all been brainwashed. Both sides. We are taking the word of the media for things that happen. We weren’t there. Neither was the media.

I hope that we pray for President Elect Biden. He needs it. This country is so divided. He will require cooperation. Let’s see what he will do. Every president deserves a chance. We have to cooperate when it is a good idea. Not hold back just for spite. We need to pray for President Trump. He is in a very tough position, being threatened with impeachment with days left in his term. Argument aside, he believes votes were stolen. Pray for us all, that we will turn our swords into plowshares.

You know, I’d been gone a week before I was convicted to post that I was leaving. People would comment, people would tag me, they would worry about if I’d caught Covid. I had to go back and post. When I did, I felt a dread when I entered, an uneasiness I cannot explain. I wasn’t clicking on anything, just leaving a post, yet I felt a darkness. Once again, the next day, when I wanted to post to assure people I would be writing a blog, that I could still encourage others, I felt the very same darkness descend. I couldn’t wait to get out. Weird. So weird.

Now that I am out, now that I can encourage and not be discouraged, now that I have tossed out Direct TV and all news, I have a heart that is finally at peace. I feel joyful again. The turbulent storm I had endured was over. I’ve done what I can. I voted. I live in Georgia, so I voted twice! I did my best to make a good decision. In the end, God is in charge. I want him to be. It’s too heavy to rest on my shoulders. Why did it pass his filter? What will He do? I have no idea. He has yet to consult me on anything. I have laid it on His desk where it’s always been. Reminding myself that he is God and I am not has been such a feeling of freedom.

You know what? This story of my life and yours? It has some thrills, chills and spills……but it ends well.

LIKE IT OR NOT, June 3, 2020

I’m going to be writing on my blog more in the months to come. Why? I don’t watch or read the news anymore. I don’t like the way the media manipulates it. If you weren’t there, you can’t know the truth. When I was little, I thought the newscasters’ job was to give the unpartial (as far as possible) truth for our country but not anymore. The truth isn’t in them. I will have to dig the truth out, myself, but it is so difficult when there’s no one to trust.

I used to get the news on my Facebook feed, but have found out the same thing. Furthermore, I am sick and tired of the rudeness and the bickering I see. You know how people inside cars become more rude than they would out of their vehicle because the car gives them some anonymity? The same thing happens when they hide behind their computers: drive by attacks!

It’s going to be very difficult for me. After I was left a widow, ten years ago, I reached out to Facebook for a sense of community. I might have been alone in snowmageddon in Illinois from time to time, but I knew what people were making for dinner when they hunkered down! I saw photos they shared of the beautiful snowfall, and I was able to share my view as well. It was so comforting not to feel alone.

Now, going through a pandemic, I am alone again, and have reached out to my Facebook community, but I find it filled with anger, impatience, rudeness, and all of the things I distain. These are not my people. Sure, I can unfollow them, but their harshness and cutting words to their fellow human beings who disagree with them has become too much to me.

Next week, I will be taking my little Pomeranian, Bijoux, to get surgery on her shoulder. She will have to be kept in a crate for three months. Sounds kind of like what I just did for three months! I stayed in my cage! Well, mine has been extended. Once again, I am going to be alone…with my little dog.

I do NOT want to go back to Facebook, but it is very difficult for me. For ten years, it has guided me through loneliness. I have checked Facebook probably nine times today, quickly realizing what I’m doing and backing out!

This world is a mess. God knows it. He’s come to discipline his children. I’m gonna stay in with the blood of the lamb over my door, I guess. Did the Israelites go outside to observe when they heard all of the screams from the curse? They did not. Did Lott turn back and look at Sodom and Gomorrah when they were destroyed? He did not. He was instructed to look forward, not back. His wife didn’t obey and met with a salty demise.

I am just visiting here. I’m an alien. I want to look at this madness as curious, like Spock might. I know God is in control. He is not surprised. He is doing something, and my task is to wait, in faith, for him to straighten out his errant children. They’re gonna act out. Expect it. If he’s going to show them the error of their ways, he’s gonna catch them right in the midst of it. Expect it to get nasty. God’s going to clean and debride their hearts.

Don’t think he’s not gonna work on the rest of his children, the Prodigal Son’s older brother. We have been among the muck and have it clinging to us, too. It’s gonna hurt! He is going to stretch our faith further than ever before, but GREAT things come to our characters when it’s a stretch. We will not remain unchanged.

My plan? I will take a day at a time. I will stay in today and make it the best I know how. When I hit a snag, I will tell myself that God is taking me, not to it, but through it. We are just passing through, God and I. Look out the window if you must, but remember who is driving.

“It be okay.” I’ll be right here, learning how to put my thoughts somewhere beside Facebook. It’s a friendly and uplifting place, here. I like it a lot. I hope you will, too.

SUMMER DAYS

Sometimes I feel like I have lived several lifetimes. When I was young, summertime was filled with catching lightening bugs, playing with my neighbors, and riding my bike to the swimming pool. As a teen, I’d drive with my newly acquired driver’s license, along with my friends, to the local Dog N Suds. I’d vacation with my family in Louisiana, laughing and eating fried catfish in unimaginable sweltering heat with no air conditioning. At home, hot nights were spent lying on a blanket, sleeping with the mosquitoes to try to steal a breeze.

Then, as a fitting end to childhood, falling in love. My favorite time! Waiting for my date to pick me up as the sun became softer, lighting up my yellow walls and canopy bed until they seemed golden, reflecting that magical time as I listened to Jose Feliciano playing Light My Fire, brushing my long, black hair and hoping beyond hope that it wouldn’t frizz instantly in the Illinois humidity. There was no need to obsess. My one and only had the very same curly, frizzy hair. 

Flash forward to the births and raising of our own three children, running through the sprinkler on hot days, eating pbjs for lunch, and catching lightening bugs, once again having glorious days that cost nothing but time. 

Now, it is, once again, time for the swimming pool, now in my subdivision. I am now alone, the Captain of my Heart having flown on to our real, true Home. I am no longer flirting, looking at prospective boyfriends, nor spending endless days, poolside, playing cards with friends. I am recapturing those memories with my Joy Bubbles as we attempt to fall into the pool, backwards, copying the “Nestea Plunge” ads of old. I have taught my four granddaughters that summer is not complete unless you’ve had a frozen zero candy bar at the pool. They’re not as easy to find, these days, but, as long as Cracker Barrel carries them, we’re in business!

Summertime now comes with some spendable money. I can now rent a boat and share it with family. I can now go on vacation in Europe, but make no mistake: summer is in no way dependent on money to weave her magic. 

Summertime was and is the gateway to my own personal time machine. Summer days are truly endless. They alter a bit, but their framework will always remain magical.

HAPPY DEPENDENCE DAY

Photo by Rakicevic Nenad on Pexels.com

I see memorial posts for so many young people killed in service, from the 1940’s until today. Such valiant, good looking people. I wish we didn’t have to say goodbye to them. I wish with all my heart that they had an opportunity to live the life God gave them without being robbed of it. They SACRIFICED THEIR LIVES so that we could live ours in peace. I just cannot afford to blithely go forward as if my life wasn’t bought at great cost and sacrifice: Jesus, my parents and the American soldier. I am the pearl of great price. When I feel down, insecure or not worthy I need to remember this. Many gave some, but some gave all for me.

Only after I had my own children could I appreciate all my parents gave up to have and care for me. My heart aches for the times I wasn’t appreciative. Sometimes I see it peek out on grandchildren when they get angry at some restriction, some denial. They have no idea how difficult it is to not give in but to stand up to them for what we believe is best for them. They don’t appreciate all the thought and care that go into doing our best to get them through childhood and sometimes having to fight them to do so! It’s HARD. Nobody tells you that. You think the tough part is the colic. You think it’s the nights spent over a feverish child, or staying up, helping them with homework, but it’s not. The toughest part, I think, is making your best decisions because you care so much, and to have them angry at you for it. No one tells you that you will have to fight THEM for the privilege of blessing them from time to time.

I did the same thing. The young are made to test and push boundaries. BOUNDARIES: That’s pretty much the job description of parent.

If they only knew…. One day they will. I hope their parents are still alive to thank.

Happy Dependence Day. A lot of people had to give up their lives, figuratively or literally for you. You owe a debt of gratitude you can never repay. Let that sink in on these days leading up to the 4th of July. Meanwhile, I have to face my challenge of how to thank parents who are no longer here to hear it. I get it, Jean Martin Williams. May this small, meager effort, putting my gratitude into  words, grow wings and somehow arrive into your hands.

For a few moments, put aside the baked beans, potato salad and watermelon. Lay down your sparklers momentarily. There are a lot of people you need to start thanking. You did not make yourself!

Enjoy the amazing day. Just don’t forget to thank the sponsors.

2018: THE HUNT FOR DIAMONDS CONTINUES

The good thing about not staying up late is that you don’t need to sleep in late. I went to bed around 12:20, thanks to all the fireworks going on outside my window. I woke up at 7:30, my sleep not interrupted with coughing. Yay!

However, when I went to get Bijoux out of her crate, I could smell that there was something wrong. Bijoux had a case of diarrhea in the night. It was my fault for feeding her something I shouldn’t have…. So, after a bit of clean up, she is shut in the laundry room for awhile. Not exactly the way to start a new year, huh?

I guess today we’ll be under the weather….together.

Happy New Year, everyone! I am so grateful for having a roof over my head to keep out the cold…and it IS COLD! I am so grateful that I am comfortable and warm, that I have food to eat and safe water to drink, that I need nothing. I am grateful that I don’t have to drag myself to a job this week. I am thankful that I have a little friend to keep me company.

I am so happy that my friend, Anne, got a good medical report. I am glad that my friend, Sharon, is cancer free. I am grateful that my biopsy came back negative for cancer. I am happy that my friends, Tony and Robin, found each other and remarried, yesterday, 40 years after they first married. I am thankful that our family is taking all of us into 2018. I am grateful that my friends, Patti and Kraig, get to move to the place of their dreams: Florida, and that I have an open invitation to visit them. I am grateful to Kevin and Terri Heid for their help in planning our Disney trip. I am glad that my cold isn’t strep or the flu. I am happy that Matt and family got to visit Georgia. I am glad I got to see Washington D.C. I am grateful that Jeff, Cami and Tim have moved to GA and that I get to see them often (present sickness excluded). I am grateful that I got to host Matthieu who came from France for a month. I am grateful for fun karaoke nights with family and friends. I am grateful for a new grandchild, Evangeline. I am thankful for Facetime. I am grateful for a group of single friends in my neighborhood. We look after each other. I am thankful for my cruise with my friend, Terri, as well as one with my Texas friends and my niece, Shelly. I am thankful for my visit to Bloomington, Illinois, getting to see my son and his family, as well as my friends and getting to stay at Kelley and Troy’s home for a week.

For these things and many more, my heart is filled with gratitude. No one has to read this list, but I want to write it down to remind myself of God’s many rich blessings to me. It’s easy to focus on what I don’t have, or what others have that I lack, and overlook all that God has done in my life.

Don’t you hate when you feel like you’ve done so much for your kids and they only focus on one thing they wanted to do or get and were disappointed? They seem to have selective amnesia. You’ve given up so much for them and it’s as if it doesn’t count. I know how God must feel with ungrateful attitudes.

I want to be looking more at God and less at those around me in 2018…..and I want to look with eyes of faith that see seeds of blessings everywhere. The forecast is calling for DIAMONDS.

GETTING OLDER IS A BEAUTIFUL THING

GETTING OLDER IS A BEAUTIFUL THING

I gave up coloring my hair in the Fall of 2007. At that time, I had three grandchildren, a 3 year old granddaughter, 1 year old twin granddaughters and my first grandson coming on New Year’s Eve.

I chose to do it for my health. My naturally black hair had been colored for so many years that I had to color it every 2 weeks. That dye was seeping into my brain. I figured I didn’t need an Alzheimer’s excelerant. I was 56 years old at the time. I had no idea what color my hair was. When I went in to see how I could be helped with the process, I told my longtime hairstylist that I wanted to go gray. She said, “You mean white? Your hair is totally white.” Hence, the skunk stripe was so noticeable! Made sense. I’d thought it through to gray, but not white. However, I figured, it is what it is. I still need to be healthy. She took out my color and made me an ash blonde. I look bad in blonde shades, sadly. My plan as a little girl was to finally get to color my hair blonde when it turned gray! I wanted to look like Karen in the Mousketeer Club with her cute blonde braids. I had black, curly hair, so I was always assigned the role of Annette in my play group. Ooh, I didn’t like the looks of Annette at all! Meanwhile, over on the other side of town, my soulmate had a huge crush on the girl that lasted well beyond the Mousketeer Club….but that’s another story.

One of the biggest hurdles I had to face was that I knew I’d look older. I had always looked so young that I could go to Six Flags and win prizes because they’d guess me, at age 40, as 16, IF I made my teenage kids disappear when I went. I was pregnant with my first child when I was scolded for trying to buy lipstick! The saleswoman didn’t see I was pregnant and thought I was too young to be wearing makeup!

I had to have a heart to heart talk with myself. I was happily married to a supportive husband who had the most beautiful silvers in his hair. I would soon be a grandma to four. At what point do I need to lay down the desire to look young? Can’t I learn to be secure with whom I really am? It’s a race I’m going to eventually lose, anyway, so the lessons might as well begin.

I am a widow now, age 66. I can tell you of so many experiences I’ve had, looking older, of course. It’s difficult because, as you know, inside, we are not this old. Our souls have been preset for Eternity, and that doesn’t include the breaking down of our bodies. No more wrinkles, etc. However, it’s nice to be myself, to be my best friend. Those who make it past my age barrier are TRUE friends who have earned my friendship. Who wants to be friends with someone who has rigorous appearance rules? If I pretend to be someone else, that’s who they like. They don’t even KNOW me….and I’m stuck trying to please people by being someone else I’m not. I see why it’s so hard for the Hollywood crowd, don’t you? You are trying to get ‘fans’ or ‘friends’ by looking like a magazine photo, not yourself, and every year it gets harder. In fact, every year my pictures I despised, I treasure now! The difference between a bad and a good picture is about 2 years!

I feel it is up to me to help in the process of aging gracefully. I want my daughter and granddaughters to see a person who gained beauty every year where it counts: I want to cultivate an inside that glows so much that it simply cannot be restrained. I want to be ‘breathtaking’ in a new way! I smile a lot at strangers. Wow, does it ever work! That’s when they see my inner beauty radiating and, sometimes, they remark on what they see! THAT’S THE REAL ME, TOO! I am beautiful! My best makeup now is my smile! It works and can be there in an instant. It doesn’t have to fade in the rain. In fact, it looks even better (because it’s unexpected) in the rain. That’s my best beauty secret. People are more drawn to that inner beauty, but in a different way. They won’t ask for your phone number. They won’t follow you home, but you will leave them with something much more important. “I saw this older woman, today, at the grocery store, coming out of the rain. She looked at me with the most beautiful smile! It was so amazing! I felt happier all day!”

Guess my age in my pictures if you want. It’s not so important to me. I going for the LASTING IMPRESSION, not some fleeting opinion. Am I 40 and look 16? So what? What’s that get ME? I’m no longer in aquiring things for me. I’m more interested in giving to others: a smile, a contentment with life, just the way it is. Maybe I will be responsible for a lot of older women in the future, long after I’m gone, giving away smiles, and teaching the next generations that follow to grow old with grace. How long do you think they’ll tell the tale of the 40 year old who looked 16? That, like looking younger, is fleeting.

To make a difference, we have to be the difference. Here’s a photo of me in the morning. No makeup. Just the smile I’m giving away daily, which, like the Cheshire Cat, will be around long after I’m gone!